Take down the Walls
When I was homeschooled, I was very happy. I enjoyed reading and playing sports at Rocky. My greatest joys were the sense of accomplishment I would feel at getting good grades, staying up late to get ahead in school, and spending time with my family. But, in general, people scared me. I had lived a very sheltered life, and whenever I encountered the real world, I could tell they were different. They used different language, they acted differently, they thought differently. I didn't want to become like them. So, as I entered the school environment, I hid myself deep down. I wanted to protect myself from those around me, so I constructed strong walls of shyness, reservation, and self-absorption. I wanted friends, but part of me really didn't want to get close to anyone because I didn't know what would happen. I was afraid I would be corrupted by their influences. Besides, I severely lacked confidence in myself and felt as if they were all too different for me to ever truly connect to them. Yet, living behind walls is not how I am called to live. If I am so concerned about having my light blown out that I hide it under a bucket, then I might as well not have the light because no one can see it. And, little by little, as I got to know the people behind my frightened stereotype, I began to see the foolishness of my reasoning. The more people reached out to me, the more I opened up. And the more I opened up, the more they were able to minister to me and I was able to minister to them. I found out some things. These people are just people. Yes, maybe they have different standards than I do, and yes, maybe I don't see eye to eye on everything with them. But they are still people whom God loves and whom I am called to love in return. As I've taken down my walls one at a time, I've found my life to be far more fulfilling. Not only am I making an impact in the lives around me, but also I'm allowing myself to be impacted by them. And, as long as I keep God as my focus, those impacts can only make me better. I don't regret a single second of homeschooling, and if I could do it again, I wouldn't change a thing that I did. But, I know my going to Rocky was exactly in God's timing because I also don't regret a single second of Rocky, and if I could do it again, I wouldn't change my coming here. But, I would want to change the way I treated people from the start and even the way I treat them now. People are far more important than grades or sports or college or resumes; who knows how many opportunities to minister to others I have bypassed just by being so absorbed in myself or in attempting to "protect" myself from the outside world. As I prepare to go to college, I pray that God will help me learn from my time at Rocky. I know I will truly be facing the world at the University of Florida, and that I will not like a lot of what I see. But I cannot let that stop me from loving those people because only then can they see God's love through me and only then can I truly impact a life for God.